The dim, low-hanging fluorescent tube flickered above her, making Princess wonder how much longer it would stay on as she lay on the metal table. She could feel the coolness of the metal through her dress, and it made her uneasy. It didn’t help that she was in a room that smelled damp and had some sort of fungus or mold growing in the cracks between the ceramic tiles on the walls. The environment unsettled her but it was all she could afford, and it was too late to back out now. She took a deep breath and tried to relax on the table.
He re-entered the room and approached her, pushing a trolley carrying some instruments in front of him. She noticed he had put on some gloves, and was grateful for that much. He stood at the foot of the table, and instructed her to plant her feet on the table and spread her legs to which she complied. She’d already taken off her underwear earlier, so she was fully exposed. The light above them flickered again, and she glanced up. He, however, seemed unconcerned as he proceeded to rummage through the tools on the table. She kept staring at the dim light, willing it to be a suitable distraction.
The feeling of cold steel penetrating her made her shudder. She realized it was a lever of some sort as she heard creaking sounds usually associated with winding handles, and felt her walls spreading further apart. Okay, this isn’t SO bad. She thought to herself as she remembered being told how excruciatingly painful the process would be. But before she could get comfortable, she felt something else being shoved into her.
She had no time to figure out what this gadget was, as sharp pain shot through her body. She bit her lip to hold back a scream, and turned her attention back to the fluorescent tube that seemed to be getting dimmer every passing second. She felt warm liquid trickling out of her, and slowly running down her backside, unto the table. She couldn’t help but look, and she watched him pull a huge pair of scissors out of her. He picked up a pump next, stuck it in and started draining.
She felt incredibly uncomfortable, but it was nothing compared to the second cut. She screamed, and he stared up at her. “If you’re not quiet, I swear I’ll leave this half inside you like this so you can go.” She hated his tone, she hated him. He continued to cut and drain, and she let her mind drift to more holding distractions than the confused light source.
She thought about how confused she had been when she’d gotten pregnant. Confusion that quickly turned to elation when she decided to keep the baby. Elation that was promptly squashed when her mother found out. Tears trickled down her face as she remembered the weeks that had followed. Rejection, seclusion, emotional abuse. Home had become even less of a home than it was to begin with. Now, here she was, 33 weeks pregnant, and having an abortion in a less than sub-par facility. Reminiscing about the emotional pain she’d suffered drowned out a lot the physical pain she was feeling now.
She’d convinced herself this was necessary. She needed to end this, get her life back. It was what her mother wanted. Her life wasn’t perfect before now, but at least she was happy enough. She finally saw what her mum saw. This child would end every chance she had at a bright future. Everything she wanted would have to be put on hold in order to raise the baby. Sand honestly, Princess wasn’t so sure she was ready for the responsibility. She’d get rid of the baby, and her mother would like her again. She wouldn’t be a disgrace anymore, rejected and forbidden to allow herself be seen by or socialize with people.
These thoughts occupied her mind as the procedure went on. Only occasionally would the pain be so severe, it would make her flinch and bite down on her lower lip. Her mind was lost, and was only brought back when she started to feel drowsy. The blood was rushing out of her now, she could her it rushing into a bucket. Am I supposed to bleed this much? She watched through half-closed lids as he frantically ran around the room, stuffing towels under and into her. She knew it was pointless. She was feeling light-headed, and could barely keep her eyes open. She let them close, seeing as she couldn’t see anymore anyway.
I guess nothing really matters anymore.