Don’t Judge Me

I’d rather you hit me instead of hurling those hurtful words.
Calling me a disgrace or a fool won’t change anything.
Because I’m neither of those things. We are neither of those things.
I’m inexperienced, yes. You may say that.
But you have no right to judge me.
You can’t call me shameless for sleeping with my boyfriend.
I know all your boyfriends. Yes, even the married ones you sleep around with.. The ones you try to keep a secret.
You have no right to judge me.
You can’t tell me I have no idea what I’m doing with my life.
At least I haven’t repeatedly tried to kill my baby like you did. Drinking night after night, taking pill after pill. Because he didn’t want her. Didn’t want me.
At least both her parents want her.
You can’t call me a failure. Because I know we’ll be okay. That’s never been a problem.
You sit there and judge me. What makes you any better?
Every kobo I’ve given you to use to run the house, he gave to me. He takes care of me. Of us. What do they do for you? Which one of us is being used?
I’m crying now not because I’m sad, but because I know it’s only a matter of time.
Everyone fails to see the big picture in the beginning.
I’m the one you tried to kill, but look at me now. I’m the one who loves you the most, and yet you refuse to see it.
I’ve spent my whole life tying to please you. To make you happy.
One day, you’ll take back all you’ve said.
You’ll see. One day when she’s grown. She’ll be beautiful and happy, because I’ll love her. Love her the way you never loved me.
Right now, I’ll just be quiet and not say a word. I’ll be quiet and watch you judge.

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4 thoughts on “Don’t Judge Me

  1. PROETRY! That’s what I like to call pieces like these. Ones which make a lovely blend of prose and poetry. Not really either, not really neither. Thanks, Cece. You did it again…

  2. You know.
    Black and white doesn’t come so easily to me. I’ve listened to a lot of people share their stories in private and then I realize that although people mostly only care about appearances and are quick to give an opinion, inside, we’re almost all the same.

    This was good stuff. I love the humanness

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