So, there we were. Seated around one of the cafeteria tables discussing our worst and best relationship experiences, as we often did. But that night’s discussion focused on an aspect of the relationships we’d never broached before – The Break-ups. Oh yes, talking about our worst and best break-up experiences was truly awesome. Well, for me it was, because I was always the dumper. Actually, there were two of us that didn’t have a single story about being dumped. You should have heard us going on about how awesome we were. And our stories were frightfully similar. We never dated the same person for more than a certain number of weeks, and we made sure the break-ups were simple and not over-dramatic.

We, Tolu and I, were on a roll, but someone had to ruin our moment. I don’t understand what it is with some people and not allowing people to have their moment? Why does there always have to be one killjoy?! It’s so frigging annoying!! *deep breath* Back to the point. One person felt the need to ask, at the precise moment when I felt the highest, what I later realised would be the most heart-wrenching question I would be asked that week. This brat looked straight at me and said “Yeah, I get you guys did the dumping and everything, but think about it. If you’re really the ones winning, why are you the ones who end up alone?”

And I did think about it. Why am I the one who’s alone? Why am I the one staying up in the middle of the night because I feel something’s missing? Why am I the one with a different guy every other week? Why am I the one without someone to have lunch with? Is that what winning’s all about? I like to tell myself it’s because this is how I like it. But is it? Do I really like to be alone?

Thinking deeper, I realise most of my “victories” were orchestrated by the guy. I haven’t seen Star Wars, but I’m pretty sure this could be classified under Jedi mind tricks. He’d do things that would make me break up with him. Or, he’d start a fight and suggest we take a break, knowing I’d rather break up than “take a break”. And they’d all say things like “You’re perfect baby, it’s me I have to work on.”, and “I don’t want to keep holding you back.”, and “The man you marry is a lucky bastard.”. Oh yeah? Well, what about you!? You could’ve been that guy! That’s what I was working towards!

I believe one of the worst possible things that you could ever realise is how truly unhappy you are. Right now, I’m not really sure if I’m happy or not.

Hi all. So, last week was a bit messed up for me. Mostly stuff you don’t care about. Back on schedule by tuesday.
Either way, I wrote this piece to try to help out a friend who’s really in a rut. I suck at giving advice (I really do) so, I figured you guys could help. I’ve tried to portray her mindset as best as I can. So, please leave comments and suggestions, and other stuff in the boxes below. I’m sending her the link, and I’m sure she’d appreciate whatever you have to say.


12 thoughts on “Winning?

  1. U re crazy!!!! U made my bf dump me in public n u here posting ds???

    She shudnt boda!! D world is coming to an end on sunday!!

    • LOL. ‘Rival’ is such a strong word. I didn’t make him do anything na. Besides, shey you’ve moved on? No need to bear grudges. 🙂
      I’m sure she’ll take comfort in your words.

  2. Most pple who think they are the hard ones are usually the d emotionally disturbed ones. I don’t rly have anything to say cos d writer said it all. Re evaluation is necessary I guess. Nicely written.

  3. I’ve got tears in my eyes…. Tsk tsk…. It’s hard being alone tho… It’s like obviously hurting yourself n lying to yourself at the same time. Excellent post! You go girl 🙂

  4. He’s just not that into you! they talked about this in the movie. i think it’s okay to dump a guy if he’s being a jerk. in fact, i don’t care who dumps who. if a relationship is not working, then it should be over. however, it’s not ok to just dump someone for the sake of dumping him. and if we’re all true to ourselves, we’ll evntually find people who’ll stick with in the long haul 🙂

  5. Cece its ok..I stil lov him tho…but hey! Tk gud kia of him! *np. Lucky dube- slave*

  6. Lool this immediatel got me thinkin bout “he’s nt jst that into u”- the movie. Some guys are so skillful at breaking up with a chick that they are able to make it look like she’s the one that did the dumping. saying stuff like “babe, it’s not u, it’s me”..or “the dude u’r gonna end up with is a lucky bastard” is jst another way they sweet-talk gullible women into believing they(the women) actually did the breaking up.
    I feel like your friend should re-evaluate her past relationships and instead of rejoicing in the number of people she has dumped(which may really jst be ppl that made her feel like she dumped them), she should try to commit to a relationship where she and her partner are mature enough to rise above modern day mentality of “players and those who got game”..and maybe she’ll be able 2 build a good relationship.
    OMG i know i’m yapping, I’m really not this talkative lol :p

  7. We break up,not necessarily because we want to, but because being humans, we become bored,get tired of the well-trodden path, ur partner’s jokes just dn’t seem funny anymore, we find somebody new who seems more interesting, then we begin the whole cycle again. I like to think that someday I’ll find s’mun who’ll interest me long enuff,so we could consider procreation,but till then. . .I stay winning.

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